


FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Suburbia, Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Making Out, Minor Violence, Out of Character, Recreational Drug Use, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, but only kinda, slightly dialogue heavy, taekwondo, this is nohyuck but at least half is just about how much jaemin is a real Good Friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23808259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Jeno has trained in this dojang for years - the top of his taekwondo class. His movements are sharp and precise and he knows he’s good. He’s gonna win this one, he knows it for sure. It’s Donghyuck he’s up against and that boy’s nothing more than a cocky bastard who’s all bark and all bite. Sure - he’s been in a couple of playground fights but what’s he gonna do, really? It’s only Donghyuck.It’s only Donghyuck, who has hickeys that he left on his neck, throwing a strong punch that he should’ve blocked, shoving him hard, aiming for his guts, and sending his sorry ass straight to the floor.Jeno doesn’t think he’s winning this one.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Lee Jeno & Na Jaemin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 47
Collections: Anonymous





	FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

**Author's Note:**

> i've never posted a fic before, i dunno how to use commas and i also wrote this 2 years ago so. my apologies.  
> uhh tw/ small mentions of blood ?? other than that its all in rhe tags jeno does taekwondo n they kinda fight if ur not cool w that then this isnt for you  
> enjoy

Jeno likes to think that Donghyuck and his relationship has always been weird and complicated, but he knows that’s kinda bullshit.

They met a few years ago through Jaemin. There was never any real animosity between the two, but they never spoke to each other unless they were in a group with others. The type of thing that happens when you meet your best friend’s other best friend from a different circle.

Jeno always felt a bit off around Donghyuck. He likes to say it’s because of this - competing for Jaemin’s attention or something - he likes to call it jealousy. But knows it’s definitely something else and takes all the anger and frustration from his denial and calls it a challenge. Whatever game or conversation the group was having he always had to one-up Donghyuck it some way. It made the boy so mad, made his face red, jaw clench and eyes roll and, god, did Jeno like to see it.

The one-sided competition only led to them becoming closer - whether or not that was good for Jeno he still doesn’t know.

Their time together isn’t as stilted as when they first met but the twisting feeling Jeno gets in his gut only gets worse.

They talk between themselves now, exchanged numbers, and walk home from school together. It’s awkward and Jeno’s still making a stupid contest out of everything, but if he’s learned anything about Donghyuck from their time together, it’s that he’s always up for a fight.

\

They’re fighting.

It’s something stupid that only stupid boys would fight over. Donghyuck slide tackled Jeno with both feet in the 3 vs 3 soccer game they’re playing. Jeno calls the move illegal and Donghyuck says it isn’t, calls him a _pussy_ , and that a move isn’t illegal just because it hurts. Now they’re pushing each other to the floor and throwing fists.

Donghyuck’s left hand collides with Jeno’s mouth, so Jeno knees him in the balls. They continue this until their friends pull them apart by their muddy, now bloodstained, shirts. 

Jeno watches Donghyuck shrug their friends away, wiping his bloodied fist on his shorts and brushing his hair off his forehead. Jeno feels his heartbeat in his lips.

It’s embarrassing, how Jeno gets over it immediately when Donghyuck slaps his back half an hour later and tells him _it’s cool_. The boy doesn’t even apologize but the warmth his hand leaves behind makes Jeno forget it ever happened.

“Yeah man,” he smiles “it’s cool.”

/

Jeno has been sitting next to Donghyuck on the bus for 20 minutes now and his spine still shudders every time their shoulders brush. Donghyuck has his left leg perched on his knee so he can pick the hem of his jeans undone, he seems seconds away from falling asleep and his hoodie stinks - scent somewhere between pine needles and piss that Jeno feels like he should recognize.

Their shoulders bump again when the bus makes a sharp stop. Jeno can feel his pulse in his ears.

“Where are you going?” Donghyuck asks without looking at him. He has to ask twice.

“Taekwondo,” his voice cracks a little and he doesn’t know why he’s so nervous “you?”

“Oh - so you can fight? Taekwondo? That’s wild,” Donghyuck ignores his question.

“Um,” he pauses, “I guess? Fuck, man - are you good?”

Donghyuck snorts “I’m high - I mean - only a little high, it’s coming down - you know? Whatever, where’s your stop?”

“Like two blocks away”

He grins “I’ll get off there as well.”

Jeno doesn’t know why he expected Donghyuck to be waiting for him outside his dojang when his training finishes. He kicks the gravel in the ground and goes back inside the building to call his mom to pick him up. He can’t stand the thought of the bus.

/

Donghyuck’s giggling.

Jeno made a dumb joke, something about frogs that somehow turned into a pun about dicks. It falls a little flat - Jaemin snorts, but more in sympathy and a few of the others roll their eyes. Donghyuck though, he can’t contain his laugh. He tries to quieten himself, but it quickly dissolves into a giggle.

“I can’t believe you found that funny,” Jeno feels his ego soar from the reaction.

Donghyuck stifles himself more “It wasn’t the joke, man, but -” he cuts himself off, shaking his head, “whatever.”

The conversation moves on, Donghyuck finding a new topic he can joke about. Something the others will actually laugh at.

It’s only hours later when Jeno’s staring at his ceiling in bed that he even dares to acknowledge the strange feeling between his ribs. He tries to keep his mind empty of it, but brings his hand to his chest, drawing over the gaps between his ribs, taps on his sternum, and presses into the beats of his heart.

He rolls over and looks at his phone.

**Donghyuck**

00:24

your funny jeno 

01:18 

* you’re

**Read** 01:20

Thanks lol

**Delivered**

He groans and turns his phone off and starts staring angrily and the blaring red numbers on his alarm clock.

“Four-thirty,” he whispers to himself, “go fuck yourself.”

/

“Where are we going?” Jeno asks for the twentieth time that afternoon.

“Damn, you really are a fucking toddler or something. I already said I dunno.” Donghyuck doesn’t turn around to look at him, but Jeno can see from his side how his lips stretch into a smile. He wishes he was looking at him.

“So we’re just walking? What’s the point-”

“You piss me off sometimes man; the point is that I wanna go on a walk with you,” Donghyuck side steps onto the curb and walks it like a tightrope. He glances at Jeno from the corner of his eyes, smile faltering “You can fuck off if you’d like - I mean - you don’t wanna walk then you’re alright to go or whatever.”

Jeno’s mind whirrs to a stop “Nah,” he makes a quick glance to Donghyuck, who’s no longer looking at him “Nah, let’s walk.”

Donghyuck balances along the curb for the next three blocks they walk down. Jeno thinks about how his hair looks shiny in sunlight, the pink of his sunburnt cheeks, how his black eye has faded into a dull yellow as it heals, the mud on his jeans and the steady thumping of his own heart every time Donghyuck’s hand touches him when he loses balance.

/

_“Self-respect and self-discipline”_

The words of Jeno’s Sabum echo in his mind as he focuses on the move he’s practicing. 

That’s the whole theory, that taekwondo emphasizes moral and mental strength as well as physical. It’s why is mom signed him up for lessons when he was a kid; she heard some other mothers on the playground say how it improved their sons’ concentration and behavior in school.

Jeno was never a bad kid, his grades were good and he never made a scene, but he could be better, his teachers would say. _You have potential, you just need to focus more_. His mom wanted him to be the best, so signed him up in high hopes. That’s all good mothers really want, he thinks, for their kids to be the best they can.

His grades didn’t improve, and his mental strength certainly didn’t either. If it did, he wouldn’t be so angry all the time. He would know how to deal with how he felt about boys who were best friends with his best friend and had calloused hands and a handsome smile.

He guesses no aspect of his discipline improved after he falters on his move. 

His Sabum yells at him. “Do better.”

/

Donghyuck gets into a hell of a lot of fights and Jeno can’t say it shocks him. He’s too confident and couldn’t shut his damn mouth even if he tried. 

“How many fights have you actually won?” Jeno asks him one day. They’re on another walk, but this time Donghyuck’s next to him on the sidewalk, graduating from hopping along the curb to bumping shoulders and brushing hands.

“I like to say all of them,” Donghyuck’s a little high again, “in my mind, I never lose anything.” There’s a joint behind his ear and a heavy smell lingers around him.

Jeno didn’t know Donghyuck smoked. He’s never smoked anything himself and thinks he’d like to keep it that way. He doesn’t like the smell, but if Donghyuck wanted to get high with him, he thinks he would try it.

He knows that’s probably an unhealthy thought process. He lost all critical thinking the first time Donghyuck laughed at one of his jokes.

/

“So, how’d you meet Jaemin?”

The three of them were playing with a soccer ball in Jaemin’s backyard before the June sun got too hot and moved them to the shade of his porch. Jaemin’s gone inside to talk to his mother, leaving the two boys to talk between themselves.

Jeno’s brain kicks out a few false starts before he can fully make an answer, the heat making him lethargic “We’ve just been in school together for, like, forever I guess. Always in the same class and all that since elementary.” 

He’s looking at Donghyuck’s hair. The boy had recently tried bleaching his hair and did a really shitty job. It’s patchy and uneven, some parts still black and the rest in varying shades of brown and orange, and it’s currently dripping root to tip with sweat. It’s disgusting, and Jeno wishes he could feel it between his fingers.

Donghyuck hums “I moved here five years ago and I met Jaemin at a convenience store on the same day. First friend I made here.” He pushes his hair off his forehead and Jeno licks his lips as he follows the movement.

“Where’d you move here from?” Jeno asks.

“The beach,” Donghyuck makes the effort to look Jeno in the eye for the first time that day “like, right by the beach - could see the sea from my front door.”

“Damn.” The nearest beach hours away. Jeno’s never even been. “Why’d you move?”

Donghyuck shrugs “Wasn’t my decision.”

Jeno can’t stand eye contact anymore so he starts staring at Donghyuck’s hair again.

The atmosphere is broken by Jaemin jogging back outside and kicking the ball at them “C’mon! You bastards can’t still be worn out!”

Donghyuck laughs puts his hand on Jeno’s leg to push himself up and kicks the ball back at Jaemin, “It’s like 200 degrees out here man, I’m on my fucking death bed! You got to cool down inside.”

“You could’ve come in as well! Dude, you cannot complain-”

The two boys continue yelling at each other while Jeno’s still struggling to stand up, somehow feeling ten times hotter since Donghyuck touched him.

/

Jeno really loves Jaemin and Jaemin loves him too, but sometimes he can’t deal with it.

He knows he takes their friendship for granted and that’s just another thing he has to feel guilty about. Something else to add to his mental encyclopedia on _why Jeno royally sucks ass_. Jaemin has always been there for him and loved him unconditionally no matter what, but is also a pragmatic ‘tell it how it is’ bastard who never hesitates to tell him his opinions and exactly what he’s doing wrong.

Jeno can sense one of these interventions coming. They were going on a bike ride to go see what the construction workers were building downtown when Jaemin’s bike tire got all twisted. The journey seemed a lot more boring to walk, so they started to walk back to Jaemin’s house to fix his bike. This leaves them now, walking at a fairly slow pace and making shitty conversation, knowing there’s another 20 minutes to go.

It’s mostly Jeno doing the talking for once. He knew that when Jaemin goes quiet it means he’s collecting his thoughts, which also means Jeno’s about to get epically roasted on something he’s trying to ignore, so he’s trying his hardest to distract him.

“You know, if you were white, you’d kinda look like that guy from the Bee Gees-”

Jaemin isn’t having any of it, apparently, “Look, Jeno, I really think we need to talk. You’ve been kinda off lately - you know? And-”

“- Like, obviously younger than he is now, but, you know, you’ve seen him in the staying alive music video, right? Looks just like you but white I’m not even kidding. Maybe without the beard but still, like, you really look like him.” 

“What - no I don’t?” He seems suitably confused so Jeno gets confident that his plan is working. “And I was being serious, Jen, I’m worried about you.”

Jeno’s plan failed. _Fuck_. 

Jaemin’s staring right into his eyes and he’s stopped walking. He must have magic eyes or something, because Jeno stops walking too.

“I dunno why you’re worried man, I’m not acting off, or whatever, so,” Jeno tries to keep his composure and shrugs “whatever it is man, it’s chill and _I’m fine_ , so don’t worry.” He starts walking again.

“You and Donghyuck-”

Jeno walks faster.

Jaemin jogs to catch up. “You’re being weird around Donghyuck. I mean, you’ve always been kinda weird with him but know you’re hanging out with him more. He’s told me - and I can see it when I hang with both of you.”

Jaemin holds his hand out in front of Jeno to get him to stop walking completely “Hyuckie always thought that you hated him, but I know you, and I know that you like him.”

His eyes go all soft and understanding, a smile that was meant to be comforting before he tries again “You know it’s okay-”

“I don’t know what you’re on about.” Jeno chokes out a laugh, staring at the gravel beneath the wheels of his bike to stop himself from crying. He feels like he’s going to be sick and acknowledging that makes him feel even worse. He knows it’s _okay_ but Jaemin can say that to his churning guts and tension headaches.

“Jeno, look at me,” Jaemin is speaking all softly again sounding all sweet and just like his mother, “I really don’t care that you like him but you’re worrying me. This happens every time - you get all in your head and spend all your time at the dojang and you never tell me how you’re feeling.”

Jeno sniffs “Why should I tell you when you seem to know it all anyway?” He hates it when Jaemin gets like this, so his best defense is starting an argument and acting snide. He starts walking again.

“You’re starting a fight right now!” Jaemin stands in front of him, unfazed. “You’re allowed to be upset Jeno, you can have feelings and you can cry! Trying to bitch your way out of emotions won’t work. Why don’t you ever talk to me about this stuff? Your idea of emotions and masculinity is so toxic-”

Jeno gets on his bike, ready to cycle off. “Shut the fuck up, you sound like one of those Tumblr girls or whatever-”

“Yeah, ‘cause I think they’re right! You’re proving them right, right now, by yelling at me instead of letting me help.” He pushes his own bike in front of Jeno to block him.

“You ever think why I don’t tell you shit? I hate it when you get like this!”

The silence that follows feels like it’s taking years off his lifespan, so Jeno spins his bike 180 and takes off in the opposite direction. He cycles fast enough he can feel the air dry the tears off his face.

/

Jeno’s been doing taekwondo for years so he thinks he’s pretty good. It’s something he needs in his life. He knows he needs the intensive training and sharp, fast movements to channel his energy. What better sport to fit a high-energy seventeen-year-old boy who gets too stuck in his own head to think straight.

Every time he steps into his dojang he feels a weight come off his shoulders, his breathing regulates and his head clears. He likes the rules they have there, the order and regulation that the training brings. Jeno likes to think of himself as spontaneous but he knows he needs structure alongside that.

He’s scared of losing himself to his own brain. A prisoner of his own thoughts, or _whatever_.

He is also scared of Donghyuck and what he makes him feel.

Jeno’s the Sabum’s favorite, he knows this as a fact, so when he lets himself into the building of his dojang using the spare key he found outside, he doesn’t think he’ll get into much trouble.

He’s thinking about Donghyuck, and his voice, his laugh, his hair, skin, legs, eyes - the slope of his nose and the curve of his cheekbones, the shape of his lips, and how they might feel. His mind is swimming as he sets up the breaking boards.

How Donghyuck punched him that one time, how Donghyuck slaps his shoulder as a greeting and how he uses his arms for balance when he walks along curbs or footwalls and how Donghyuck-

Jeno kicks the board, sends the halves flying to spongy mats on the floor.

He needs this.

_Fuck_ Jaemin.

/

It was 3:12 am when Donghyuck texted Jeno, asking him to go to his house to smoke with him.

Now it’s 4:45 and Jeno thinks he must be special kind of stupid because he’s high out of his fucking mind and kissing Donghyuck’s neck.

His head feels heavy and Donghyuck’s skin tastes salty. He knows he’s not doing a very good job at what he’s doing because he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s trying to do. Donghyuck doesn’t seem to mind though.

Jeno feels Donghyuck shift from underneath him to grab his lighter off the floor to light another joint. He nudges Jeno off of him in the process, Jeno’s lips separating from his neck in a disgusting wet noise.

“This is the last one,” Donghyuck announces, holding it up to Jeno’s mouth for him to take a hit, “unless you have anything?”

Jeno smiles as he blows the smoke out his nose, giggling at the feeling “Nah, I don’t smoke.”

“You’re smoking right now, dumbass.” Donghyuck starts giggling too. Jeno thinks he sounds like twinkling bells or something, so latches back onto his neck.

It’s 6:59 am and Jeno wakes up lying with his body half on the floor and half on the sofa. His face still buried in Donghyuck’s neck and Donghyuck’s hand threaded through his hair, the other on his waist. He doesn’t remember when he fell asleep.

“Donghyuck,” He mumbles as he tries to pull himself up. His mouth feels dry and he could really do with some water. “Donghyuck, hey.”

The boy beneath him starts to stir, blinking up at him and pushing himself up to sit properly on his sofa. “You’re still here?”

Jeno feels his heart drop to his feet and stumbles to stand up “Sorry man,” he clears his throat and starts rambling “I just woke up. D’you want me to - I can go now-”

Donghyuck laughs “It’s cool.” He stands up and puts his hand gently on Jeno’s arm “You can stay a little longer if you want.”

Jeno’s throat suddenly feels drier. “Actually, I think I might go now.” He jerks his arm away out of Donghyuck’s hand and avoids looking at his face.

“Right, okay then,” Donghyuck’s voice cracks a little, but Jeno tells himself it’s just cottonmouth from the weed and starts pulling his shoes back on his feet, “I can walk you home if you want?”

Jeno gets the guts to look him in the eye again, loses his clarity, and accepts right away.

They’re about four blocks from Jeno’s house and it’s deadly silent. Donghyuck has his hood over his head and a cap pulled down over his eyes. He’s taken his hands out of his pockets and Jeno only now realizes how bruised they look.

“Did I make you feel like you had to smoke or something?” Donghyuck breaks the silence

_Kinda but only ‘cause I think you’re really hot and I’ll do anything you want to do with me._ Jeno shakes his head “Nah, I’ve wanted to try it for a while now.”

“Cool.” Donghyuck lets it go quiet again. “I thought you might’ve needed it or something. Jaemin said you’ve been mad lately.”

“Jaemin made you make me smoke with you?” Jeno raises his voice a little. 

“No, you bastard,” Donghyuck looks affronted and shoves him. “Jaemin said you were mad so I thought you’d wanna chill. Aren’t we friends now?”

Jeno eyes the hickey he left on Donghyuck’s neck. He looks back up at Donghyuck’s pretty face and stares at his big eyes and “Man, I wanna hit you _so_ hard right now.”

“Shame you can’t fight me outside, huh.”

/

Jeno didn’t even know the buses ran at this hour, but he’s hardly complaining.

“Wow,” Donghyuck’s laughing as they walk through the entrance of the dojang “it’s almost cyclical.”

Jeno has trained in this dojang for years - the top of his taekwondo class. His movements are sharp and precise and he _knows_ he’s good. He’s gonna win this one, he knows it for sure. It’s Donghyuck he’s up against and that boy’s nothing more than a cocky bastard who’s all bark and all bite. Sure - he’s been in a couple of playground fights but what’s he gonna do, really _?_ It’s only Donghyuck.

Jeno’s strong where Donghyuck is weak, he knows all the moves he knows work. He’s stable on his feet and his kicks and hits are precise and fast, his stance is right and he keeps his balance. But Donghyuck is cunning, his moves are sloppy from a technical standard, but they’re unpredictable and fucking _hurt_. Jeno’s thrown out of his self-controlled rhythm - his first opponent that doesn’t follow his rules. 

It’s only Donghyuck who has hickeys that _he_ left on his neck, throwing a strong punch that he should’ve blocked, shoves him hard, aiming for his guts, and sends his sorry ass straight to the floor.

Jeno doesn’t think he’s winning this one.

“That’s not how you fight!” Jeno stands up and shoves him back, “This is a professional ring - what was your next move? Pulling my hair?”

Donghyuck has the nerve to laugh, “This is a fight, not a game. There aren’t rules, you can’t get pissy because I threw you off.” He sits down on the mat and pats the space in front of him, gesturing for Jeno to join him.

Jeno ignores him, trying to make himself taller as he leans over Donghyuck “Get over yourself. Why the fuck are we in here if you wanna act like a kid?”

It’s funny how Donghyuck still manages to stare him down from the floor “We are kids, dickhead - and it’s cold outside.”

\

A week has passed and they’re at Jaemin’s house.

In the week, Jeno’s called Jaemin about six times crying and apologizing, saying that he loves him and he’s gonna try real hard to tell him how he’s feeling. It’s the most truthful he’s been in a while, and it felt good to be forgiven. 

He still feels like pure shit in ways he hasn’t told Jaemin. He hasn’t told Jaemin about smoking with Donghyuck, kissing his neck, and then trying to beat him up in the dojang. To be fair, he doesn’t know how he feels about any of that, so he isn’t sure about how he’s meant to tell him.

Jeno still should’ve told him though. Donghyuck clearly didn’t either and now they’re all at Jaemin’s house, staring at the red bruises on Donghyuck’s neck and face.

“The fuck happened to you?” Jaemin asks, poking the mark on his neck.

Donghyuck slaps his hand away and snorts, “Just this boy I was with,” he makes eye contact with Jeno “it was nothing though.”

“You’re with a boy that hits you?” Jaemin either doesn’t notice or doesn’t give a shit about the sudden stare-off between Jeno and Donghyuck.

Donghyuck looks back at Jaemin, “I’m not, like, _with_ him.” Jaemin looks lost and Jeno looks at the grass stains on his jeans “He gave me a hickey then we had a fight. I hit him back.”

“Fuck.” Jaemin still looks concerned, but knows he won’t get anything else out of Donghyuck. “But seriously Hyuckie, don’t get with him again. Even if you like him.”

“I don’t like him.” Donghyuck smiles and reaches out to squeeze Jaemin’s hand, “So don’t worry man, I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Jeno ignores those words thinks about how Donghyuck’s hand would feel holding his.

“You and Donghyuck are too similar, you know?” Donghyuck is the bathroom and Jaemin can never resist an opportunity to interrogate Jeno. Seems like all those phone calls were worth shit.

“I don’t think so,” Jeno mumbles back. _Is now really the time_?

Jaemin’s clicking his knuckles in the way he knows will make Jeno cringe.

Jeno can’t stand the sound and smacks Jaemin’s hands to stop the clicking “You don’t treat us the same.”

“Yes I do,” Jaemin smacks Jeno’s hands back, albeit a lot more gently, then pauses. “How’d you mean?”

“Didn’t hear you ask about the bruise on my face.” He sounds like a jealous little kid. He supposes he kind of is.

Jaemin snorts “You’re a sportsman, Jeno. You get into sports fights - whatever the fuck they’re called - all the time for fun. Covered in bruises all the damn time,” He clicks his whole wrist this time, “and you’d never have the balls to get with a boy.”

/

Jeno doesn’t see Donghyuck for another few weeks after they leave Jaemin’s house.

Jeno has made a habit of keeping alcohol stashed under his bed because he is nothing but a product of modern middle-class suburbia. He rarely drinks, he just keeps it there for when Jaemin pulls him to parties and he’s not cool enough to be let in without bringing anything. But right now it’s some time in the early morning and he’s back on his bullshit of being confused and upset, so he thanks himself for the future planning and brings the bottle to his lips.

It’s chardonnay and he cringes at the taste, but it’s easy to ignore once he’s halfway through the bottle. Jeno’s a little drunk and clearly has no respect for himself, so he calls Donghyuck.

He looks at his reflection from his phone screen as he waits for Donghyuck to pick up. In three rings he’s crying down the phone. “You didn’t tell him it was me.” He didn’t wait for Donghyuck to speak when he first picked up. “Why? You were glaring at me the whole damn time why didn’t you say shit?”

“Sorry,” There’s a pause, and Jeno hears a creaking noise from the other line, “But what the fuck are you on about?”

“At Jaemin’s house.” Jeno pinches his leg as self-punishment for wobbling, but it only makes it worse “You didn’t tell him that I was the boy! The boy who you’re not with and that you don’t like because it was nothing-”

“Are you high again? I can’t fucking believe this Jeno, what was I meant to tell him? I haven’t even told you that - you know what? Just call me tomorrow.” Donghyuck sounds pissed and it makes Jeno cry harder.

“You said you wouldn’t dream of it. Why not? Don’t you dream of me? I dream of you, Donghyuck.”

The line goes dead.

Jeno continues to cry and finishes the other half of the bottle.

/

He doesn’t call Donghyuck back the next day. Jeno diverts all his energy into actively ignoring both Donghyuck and Jaemin _again_ and spending all his free time at his dojang.

Jeno can’t remember the last time they all met up, but has seen Jaemin and Donghyuck talk to each other a few times.

Like right now.

He watches as the two boys laugh together as they’re sat on a bench. The bench is looking out over the park as their bikes lay on the grass in front of them. Donghyuck has his hand on Jaemin’s knee and his whole body is facing him while Jaemin’s drinking out of a juice carton in between speaking, his hand on top of Donghyuck’s.

Jeno wishes he had his shit together. Maybe if he took Jaemin’s help and properly spoke to him, instead of the white lies and optimistic half-truths he laughs down the phone thinking that they’ll make do instead of actually talking about his emotions, he’d be happier. Or maybe not happier, but content that he’d been listened to. He doesn’t understand why he can’t take the help that’s right in front of him.

Someone he loves, someone who loves him, wants to listen. Jaemin wants to help and to understand. Jeno wants to understand why he won’t let him.

Jeno wants to understand Donghyuck. He can’t think of anyone else who’s consumed his thoughts more but he doesn’t even know if they’re friends. He doesn’t know what Donghyuck wants from him - or wants in general. Fights and passing comments don’t really constitute as any type of relationship but Jeno constantly fixates on them. It’s a wonder what one boy can do to him and what that one boy can make him do to himself.

He really needs to get his shit together.

/

They’re at the dojang again. Jeno’s Sabum _really_ doesn’t care that he lets himself in outside of the club’s opening hours.

“ _C’mon_ ,” he’d urged Donghyuck over the phone, “ _I’m pissed and I wanna see you_ ,” and Donghyuck had been easy to convince on the premise of meeting at the dojang. Always up for a fight.

Jeno had started strong, kicking with purpose. He kept his breathing steady, gravity center and mind focused. Donghyuck started with his first tactic: mockery. Dodging Jeno best he could and spewing stupid insults and taunts, teasing where he knew it could hurt to try and piss him off.

Donghyuck moved onto the next tactics. Jeno struggled to classify these moves as anything in particular. His actions so lacking in finesse and general form - more thumps and whacks any of his limbs could deliver. He pulled hair and scratched, kicked more with his knees than his feet, and resorted to using his elbows fairly often.

It was shitty, but it hurt and threw Jeno out of his stance. 

It brings them to now: sweaty feet squeaking against the mats on the floor, arms and legs tangling, both trying to take the opposition and defense all at once.

Jeno finally gets the upper hand, kicking Donghyuck off his feet and getting him pinned on his back “You make me look like such a shitty fighter, Hyuckie,” he pants, “I’m actually good when my opponent knows how to fight and doesn’t fight dirty.” 

“Fight dirty?” Donghyuck heaves out, sounding winded but still grinning, “You haven’t been in a real fight - what the fuck would you know?”

“Taekwondo’s a martial art - a _combative sport_ \- how is it not real fighting?” Jeno hates how Donghyuck’s face makes his stomach flip so he pushes him harder against the blue mats. “And what about the time I fought you at soccer? Wasn’t that real?”

He’s starting to think it wasn’t when Donghyuck flips them over and straddles Jeno’s hips.

“We hardly fought, I busted your lip and you kicked me in balls, at the dojang before, but wasn’t really a fight, fucking child’s play at best.” Donghyuck plants his hands either side of Jeno’s face and peers down at him, “and Taekwondo - it’s all rules and rigidity.”

“What’d you mean?” Jeno’s breathless, hyper-aware of Donghyuck on his hips, breath on his face, warmth, everything.

“You’re trained - you’re all trained to be the same. You all kick the same, hit and block the same, and the discipline, you all think the same. If you fight the same and follow the same rules then it’s not a fucking fight, Jeno.”

Jeno wants to argue, but Donghyuck leans in close to his face, noses centimeters away. He brushes his thumb against Jeno’s lip, right where he once cut it with his own fist.

Donghyuck’s eyes follow the movement of his thumb before dropping his hand back onto the mat and looking Jeno straight in the eyes. “Do you think the rest of the world follows your rules?”

Jeno leans up and kisses him.

/

Jeno’s sat on Donghyuck’s couch and Donghyuck’s sat in his lap. They’re passing joints between each other in between kissing. _This is kinda cyclical_ , Jeno had joked as he pressed his lips to Donghyuck’s neck where the hickey he’d left had now faded. Donghyuck didn’t understand but laughed anyway, and that’s all Jeno really wanted.

“You’re wonderful.” Jeno’s whispering praises in Donghyuck’s ear as he combs his hands through his hair. He thinks back to Jaemin’s backyard in June, Donghyuck’s sweaty hair and hand on his knee “So wonderful.”

Donghyuck grins as he takes another hit from his joint “Yeah?” He breathes the smoke into Jeno’s open mouth. It’s objectively disgusting, but Jeno’s high and has the boy of his dreams in his lap, so he couldn’t care less. “You better not fight me after this.”

“You’re calling it a fight now?” He uses his hand that’s still in Donghyuck’s hair to tilt his head, pulling him into another kiss. Donghyuck giggles as they break apart and Jeno’s never felt so funny in his life.

They spend the next few hours smoking and kissing until Donghyuck falls asleep with his head on Jeno’s shoulder. Jeno has his nose buried in Donghyuck’s hair and is using his last waking minutes stroking up and down the boy’s back and looking around the room.

It’s his second time here, but it’s the first time he’s looked at anything in the room that wasn’t Donghyuck.

There’s a gaming set-up in front of him on the other side of the coffee table. The bed, which he presumes is Donghyuck’s, is just a mattress on the floor without a frame or headboard. There’s an electric fan sat on a stack of clearly unread textbooks and a cardboard box. There are a lot of boxes, he notes, and a lot of picture frames with scenes of the beach. The windowsill is littered with a collection of rocks, sea glass and seashells. He wonders if Donghyuck still misses the beach.

\

Donghyuck’s been spending a lot of time at Jeno’s house since they kissed. They haven’t really talked about it, but Jeno (for once) is starting to feel content. They haven’t kissed again since, or even smoked since, but they sit on Jeno’s bed and talk about everything else. Jeno feels a lot better when he learns that Donghyuck is just as angry and confused as he is most of the time. Maybe Jaemin had a point.

This contentedness, naturally, doesn’t last when Jeno receives a call from Donghyuck one night to meet him at the dojang.

“Thought you didn’t want me to fight you?” He smiles as he walks up to Donghyuck.

Donghyuck shakes his head, but still smiles back, “I don’t - but you still think your sport is real fighting?” He interrupts Jeno before he can answer “We’re not going in, you’ve broken in enough, I want you to walk with me.” He reaches his hand out for Jeno to take.

“Where are we going?”

“The train station.”

Jeno takes his hand “Okay, for what?”

Donghyuck doesn’t answer, just links their fingers, and pulls him along.

They’re sat on the platform with their legs hanging off the edge over the tracks. _The trains don’t run at night_ , Donghyuck had assured Jeno, _so there’s nothing to be scared about - and everyone jumps the gates because the cameras can’t catch your face_ , and whether or not that was a lie, Jeno didn’t care. It’s a running theme that he’d do whatever Donghyuck wants against his better judgment.

“You should wash these jeans. How do they still have grass stains?” Donghyuck’s running his hand up and down Jeno’s leg.

He takes Donghyuck’s hand off his leg and holds it between his own. “They’re grass stains, Hyuckie. Stains.” 

“I’m going home.” Upon Jeno’s confused expression, Donghyuck explains further. “I’m going back home, like, I’m moving back. Moving away.”

Jeno’s hands shoot away from Donghyuck’s “You’re leaving?” He feels his heart sink “When?”

Donghyuck reaches out to hold Jeno’s hand again “A couple of days.”

“You’re telling me _now_. You let me kiss you and you hold my hand and now you’re just gonna leave?” 

“Was I your first kiss?” Donghyuck holds his hand tighter.

Jeno shoves him and pushes himself up from the side of the platform “For fucks sake, Donghyuck!”

“No - Jeno, I didn’t mean it like that,” Donghyuck stands up as well to follow him and cups his face in his hands.

Jeno tries to push him off again. He knows he’s strong enough to, but his heart is weak to the feeling of Donghyuck’s hands and face so close to his mouth. 

Donghyuck continues “You were mine. You’re my first kiss. I wanna write you letters when I leave. I wanna send you the shells I find on the beach and show you pictures of the sea because I know you’ve never been - I want you to come find me.”

Jeno pulls Donghyuck into a kiss.

/

Jeno walks Donghyuck home from the train station, stays outside in his front yard until he sees the light of Donghyuck’s bedroom turn off before he starts walking to his own house.

His mind is whirring at a mile a minute. His lips are wet from his tears and his last kiss with Donghyuck. He’s angry, upset, and confused and he wishes he stayed at the dojang to punch Donghyuck instead of walking with him to the train station.

Donghyuck was his first kiss.

So what if Donghyuck is angry and confused as well. Jeno’s stuck in his own head. He’s gonna grow up and he’ll move away as well one day, there’s gonna be a day when he stops going to the dojang and he stops training. 

Jeno tries to live his life with rules that Donghyuck doesn’t follow and Jaemin doesn’t follow and _nobody_ follows because life isn’t a game and it’s real and nobody plays it the same.

He needs to get his shit together.

“Hey, Jaemin,” Jeno speaks softly into his phone “there’s some shit I need to talk to you about.”

**Author's Note:**

> cannot believe i study english language but i don't know how commas work. the system has failed me  
> alternative title: asian american Bee Gees 2018


End file.
